Toxic positivity

I recently discovered the term “toxic positivity.”

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach. (Taken from http://www.verywellmind.com)

I choose to be positive, and I write about positivity not because I see the world through rose-colored glasses, but because I decide to realize the world is a beautiful place.

I whole-heartedly believe that when circumstances are awful, we should recognize that, allow ourselves to grieve, mourn, cry, get frustrated, angry and lash out some even.

It is always ok to not be ok.

However, I also believe that it is up to ourselves to change our situation for the future. It is up to us to learn from any challenge and apply it toward a growth mindset.

The only way positivity can be toxic is in the absence of empathy. If someone (even if it is yourself) is going through some horrible situations, I don’t believe we should talk to them (ourselves) about maintaining positivity without acknowledging THE SUCK of the situation. First and foremost, be kind, listen, hug, comfort.

Also realize that part of the comfort is the belief/faith that all things pass and life will move on and in fact can become better, eventually.

Have a blessed Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

All Right

“I hear people keep talking, they saying I’m crazy
‘Cause I believe in myself and the way that I feel, yeah
But I know I’ll figure it out some day, ay
And everything will be okay
(Ah, ah, ah)
Some days I begin to forget
I’ve gotta begin to forget
The voices I hear in my head
And listen, give love and respect
To the feelings I feel in my chest
They say I know it’s all gonna be okay, ay
Yeah I know it’s all gonna be okay”-All Right by Cisco Adler and Gnash

Great song with a great vibe for this Wedensday!

Play it, listen, jam out and realize

It is all gonna be ALL RIGHT :)!

Happy Wednesday!

-Dr. Lindeman

Destination Addiction?

Until I saw this post, I have never heard of the term “destination addiction.”

However, I definitely knew it existed.

So many people “search” for happiness.

We humans tend to think that the next big job, the next big move, the next big date, the next big meal, the next WHATEVAHS will bring us happiness.

We are, essentially, little kids asking our father “When we will get there? (or “Are we there yet?)” Thinking that happiness will arrive “just over the next hill.”

The truth is that we will NEVER arrive at happiness.

We must choose to be happy now, or at least to find slivers of happiness amidst our suffering (if that is our current state).

Nothing brings happiness to us.

We DECIDE to find happiness in the now. Then we can cultivate that seed of happiness and it will continue to grow.

Don’t try to ARRIVE at happiness.

DRIVE with happiness, today!

Happy Tuesday!

-Dr. Lindeman

“Maybe Happiness is Sometimes.”

I just finished the book, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottlieb. It is a great book!

I loved the statement one of her patients made to her “Maybe happiness is sometimes.”

Too often, we humans think in absolutes and extremes.

I am happy or I am sad.

I am “all in” or I am doing nothing.

I am successful or I am a failure.

Life doesn’t work that way.

In fact:

————————————-The spectrum between extremes is long and beautiful—————————–

I believe that when we focus on the extremes, it gives us a reason to gravitate toward one end of that spectrum, and more often than not, it’s the side we want to be on.

The truth is, life is full of ups and downs, big wins, small failures, big failures, tiny victories, extreme jubilation, crippling depression, laughing out loud’s, chuckling very quietly’s, overwhelming fear, extreme confidence… and everything in between.

When we give too much power to the extremes in life, it renders our true existence powerless.

We need to realize that life is a conglomerate. And it is ok to be happy or victorious or depressed or successful SOMETIMES.

We can even substitute “sometimes” for “most times” on many of these things (and if we looked at our lives, we probably would realize we gravitate more toward the positive side than the negative) and that is truly O.K.

In fact, that is why we are alive.

So, today, try not to focus on extremes. Realize that being somewhere along the scale is where we are supposed to be that moment, and that we can tip the scales in the direction we choose.

We don’t have to be successful or happy all the time (in fact, if that is our goal, we are doomed for failure).

Realize, life is a journey and no matter where we are right now, we can choose to get back on the ride and enjoy ALL OF IT.

Have a wonderful Wendesday!

-Dr.Lindeman

Focused or stressed?

I had the privilege of listening to some amazing speakers tonight on a zoom call (yeah, that’s a thing now, didn’t know if you heard). Dr Cody Elledge spoke to my soul about stress vs focus. And low and behold, sticking to my wife’s computer was the above image.

She is so smart!

At first glance, the words “focused” and stressed are similar.

Even our good pal Webster and his Dictionary state they are synonyms.

However, the difference is that when you are stressed about or over something (or in today’s realities, many things), you tend to be obsessive about the PROBLEM, and not looking or working toward the SOLUTION.

When you are stressed, your body is flooded with negative chemicals. Your heart rate increases, your digestion slows down, your adrenals are taxed, you become fatigued, yet you can’t sleep. Your reproductive system is sluggish, your blood pressure elevates, and your ability to think clearly actually decreases as well.

So you obsess over the problem, make your self LITERALLY sick, and you arrive no closer to the solution.

On the other hand, if instead you are focused, you are actively searching for ways to improve your situation and to escape whatever 💩storm you find yourself in.

When you flip the script from stress to focus, you are finely tuned. Your heart rate may increase, but only at first. When you focus, your brain secretes chemicals that help you achieve a goal, rather than stay put in the endless spiral of stress-worry-stress-worry. When you focus, your cortical thinking improves and you ACHIEVE results.

So stressed and focused are similar , but the end results are MONUMENTALLY different.

So acknowledge the stressors in your life today, but choose what you want to FOCUS on, work toward the solutions, and get busy living your best life!

-Dr Lindeman

Friendly reminder

You are NEVER given anything you can’t handle.

Proof? You are reading this right now.

You will always presented with obstacles, or as my brother likes to call them “hurdles” in life.

They key is to just keep jumping. (Or in some cases, if that hurdle is meant for a giant, find another way around, under or through)

I truly hope you are not in the middle a huge tumultuous storm in your life right now, but if you are, I also hope you realize you have exactly what it takes to overcome, and to get to the calm on the other side.

You are THE ONLY person capable of living your amazing, exciting and challenging life.

Have an amazing Monday!

-Dr Lindeman

You life is what you carry

Taken from “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone” by Lori Gottlieb

The other day, I was driving with my son. It had been one of those days where I was lost in thought, thinking of what I needed to get done before Christmas.

He interrupted my thoughts to point out a house that was wonderfully decorated and lit up with Christmas lights.

It was an amazing sight. (Well, maybe not as amazing as our very own Christmas Llama on our front lawn, but still…)

The point is, our world at any given moment is what we choose to observe.

Our world is made up of what we bring with us.

If we are negative because of a crappy morning, the world is going to be dulled, less beautiful.

If we are in a soaring mood, we will notice the beauty all around.

The good news is we can choose what we bring with us.

We can decide to imbibe all the craziness that is social media, relish in nasty comments.

We can decide to fume over some slight that happened to us yesterday.

We can decide to listen to music that only makes us cry more.

We can decide to switch the playlist and listen to joy.

We can read beautiful poetry.

We can fuel our souls with good food, good company and positivity.

We can decide how beautiful our world will be today by bringing whatever amount of beauty we want with us on today’s journey.

Have a BEAUTIFUL Monday!

-Dr Lindeman

…Love wins…

“Because at the end of the day, love wins.” (Taken from Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb).

If you’ve had any bad days lately (pretty sure most of us have), the key to not carrying it over to the next day is to realize that one day doesn’t create a month or year or etc.

The key is to resize that after the 24 hours, that day is done.

Over-with.

Kaput.

The sun comes up again in the morning ($100 you are hearing Annie’s voice in your head now, bet your bottom dollar) and you get another chance at another day.

One way to push toward a better mañana is to end the day with love.

Stop and breathe. Be grateful that you had a day (even if it was “a day”), and find something to love about the day. Even if it is something incredibly small.

Then, take some time to tell someone you love them.

Finally, take some time to tell yourself that you are loved.

End the day with love, because the truth is LOVE AWAYS WINS.

Happy Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

The space that allows choice

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances”- Viktor Frankl, from Man’s Search for Meaning

If you haven’t read the above mentioned book by Viktor Frankl, I highly recommend that you do.

It is a wonderful book. Viktor Frankl was a doctor/psychologist who was also Jewish and because of that second fact, he was placed in a concentration camp by the Nazis. His family was murdered while he was in captivity.

His stance is that a human being’s number one motivation is not to seek pleasure (as Freud and many others postulated), but to seek MEANING.

When we can find meaning in any situation, we will overcome any obstacle.

The good news is almost 100% of the time, if we look hard enough, there is meaning to be found either within the struggle or on the other side of it.

So today, when facing a hurdle, large or small, look for meaning within and you will overcome.

Happy Thursday!

-Dr Lindeman

Time and Patience

“Speed is about time, but it’s also closely related to endurance and effort. The faster the speed, the thinking goes, the less endurance or effort required. Patience, on the other hand, requires endurance and effort.”- Taken from Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, by Lori Gottlieb

Later, in the same book (about a page later), she quotes the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm: “Modern man thinks he loses something-time- when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains except kill it.”

Our world is filled with a lot of hurry, hurry, now, now.

We want results/things/growth/success/our haircut/our food/our dose of dopamine (social media, I’m looking at you)/our purchases/our everything as soon as we give even the thoughts our energy.

Patience is not modern human’s virtue.

The conundrum is that the time spent waiting, the time spent in patience, the time spent just BE-ing bears more fruit for the soul than the actual “getting.”

Spend some time in a cam state today. Revel in the patience, it will bring much better dividends than the pressure-filled moments do.

Happy Thursday!

-Dr Lindeman