We want something so bad (promotion, a better personal record, a certain salary, some form of measurable success), that we are obsessed with attaining it.
Our happiness becomes tied to “when we succeed.” We fool ourselves into thinking “If I can just get ___, then I will be happy.”
This is obsessive passion.
Harmonious passion on the other hand, is being happy now in the process of attaining success. It is about seeing how far we’ve come already compared to how far we have to go.
And research shows that being obsessively passionate pushes you more toward negative emotions and thoughts. Further research shows, negative thoughts are killers to growth and success.
Gratitude and other positive thoughts however, allow for creativity and flow to take place.
When we are grateful about how far we’ve come while keeping an eye on where we want to go, we see the whole picture and the full beauty of life.
You will have a more probable successful outcome when you can decide to be happy now, be grateful for where and who you are, instead of grasping at something to try to make you happy.
You should definitely check out The Ed Mylett podcast and Mel Robbins book: The High Give Habit
There is power (and research) in celebrating small victories, congratulating ourselves, and setting intention.
One thing the book and this podcast episode touches on is the fact that, unfortunately, we are prone to feeling unworthy of celebration. In fact we are prone to feeling unworthy in general.
We can raise that baseline simply by incorporating small celebrations and acknowledgements of our amazing worthy-ness into our daily lives.
We all deserve love. And we definitely deserve to love ourselves.
We have survived every crazy challenge that has been put before us to this point.
We have overcome many obstacles.
We do A LOT of things l, very well, every day.
We impact lives (whether we know it or not).
We have style.
We have grace.
We smile, we laugh, we love, we help, we even provide energy for others (including nature).
We are amazing.
Listen ti the podcast, read the book, and HIGH FIVE yourselves today!
If you aren’t on Simon Sinek’s daily notes to inspire list, you should really consider it!
This tidbit today was great!
I believe too often, we define ourselves by what we do. “I’m a chiropractor.” “I’m a teacher.” “I’m a potato chip critic.”
Those are all the jobs we chose, and we should be proud.
However, the bigger thing is WHY we do them.
If we are happy with our careers, it is more than likely because we get to express what we truly care about in life through our field.
We are defined by what we care about, and how we choose to make a (happy) living is our way to express what we care about.
So if you are feeling burned out, a bit sluggish or etc, tap into what you care about, connect that to what you are doing today and I promise you, your day will be immensely brighter (for yourself and for everyone you come in contact with).
My family and I had a wonderful trip to Hilton Head Island, SC this summer. We purchased a townhome/villa/condo (whatever your flavor of terminology is 🙂 on April 1st and we went out in June. I stayed there for 10 days and Sheri and the boys stayed for 3 weeks. (Sheri’s parents came out for a week in there too).
We worked a lot but had a fantastic time!
Being home alone for a couple weeks, I just couldn’t shake this HUGE feeling of nostalgia and sadness for times past.
Also, the realization that Payton is now going to be a Junior in high school, Isaac is beginning freshman year.
Time is FLYING BY!!
Yesterday, we celebrated Independence Day. Isaac spent the night at a friend’s house the night before, so we met the family in Golden (they are great friends of ours as well) and the boys waded into the cold waters of Clear Creek.
After that, we went to another family friend’s barbeque for a bit before heading to the Broomfield Commons and the high schoolers played volleyball while we sat with my brother and sister-in-law.
It was a great day.
The nostalgia ran deep though, beginning early in the morning. Facebook had a “remember when on this date” feature that showed us celebrating July 4th through the years.
Those were just a few.
Needless to say, a few tears were shed (mostly by me).
These past few weeks I have been struck (an apt word actually) right in the feels about how fast time has gone, and continues to move.
I love my life.
I love my family.
I love all the amazing times we have shared throughout these years and yet I cannot help but feel sad that those times are in the past. I know there will always be better and more amazing times ahead, but this week I am REALLY missing times gone by.
I also found myself wondering if that during all these years, have I been the father and husband that these amazing human beings deserve. I found myself doubting. I found myself yearning to hug them a bit tighter.
I want to go back in time and re-experience holding them on my chest when they were babies as we both fall asleep in my recliner. I long to lay with them camping while staring at the stars and listen to their amazement at the vast universe spread out before our eyes. I want to go back to coaching them in youth rec soccer and watch them running around in a herd chasing after that soccer ball. I want to go back to reading to them at night, and make sure I am choosing books and directing conversation that will help me mold them into the truly amazing humans they are and will become.
I also realize all of these yearnings come from MY WANTING more than theirs.
They are wonderful young men and I know the world is a better place due to their presence. I know that as a father, I’ve done pretty well, even if I will always believe I could’ve done better.
After I left Hilton Head, I received an email from Jon Gordon that touched on these feelings. Check out this snippet below:
So, I still am having a serious case of all the nostalgia feels. But these words helped me realize that I have and continually will share these gifts with them from now until the end of time.
I miss the old times. To be honest, I miss everyday I have had with them up until today. And I know one day I will miss today as well.
Those feelings are built into the tremendous love I have for them.
I know that I will continue to have days like this.
I also know that I am looking forward to seeing them after work today. Even if it is after they are done hanging out with their friends.
I love my family fiercely and I know that they love me fiercely back.
Have a wonderful Monday and make sure to spend some time with the ones you love, if only to savor the pain of missing that time when the passage of time doesn’t allow them to be right beside you down the road.
“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” —Bernard M. Baruch
How annoying is it when you are telling someone something, and they keep interrupting?
How annoying is it when people listen to respond, rather than listening to learn?
How often are you that annoying? 🙂
I am guilty of this at times.
Sometimes it is because we are bursting with excitement, eager to contribute to the conversation. That in itself isn’t a bad thing.
The problem arises in that when we listen to respond, we aren’t actually listening at all. Instead we are formulating what we want to say, rather than learning from others. We aren’t opening our minds nor our hearts to them, instead we are solely focused on allowing our brain to flex it’s muscles.
Leading with love is always the best choice.
There is a book I read a while back:Listening is an Act of Love. It’s a great book, and the title is poignant.
When we TRULY listen to others, we open our hearts, souls, minds and our worlds to possibility.
When we TRULY listen, we gain experience and insight that can lead to success (no matter how you define it) in our lives.
So on this glorious Wednesday, take time to LISTEN to others. Or in other words:
I just started reading it last night, but I love it!
Simon talks about the difference between finite games and infinite games in business, and in life.
Finite games are “played” with a goal of winning, beating the competition, becoming “the best.”
In life (and in business), the best things are truly INFINITE.
You don’t truly want to be “the best” at what you do. Because, in reality, you know that being the best is HIGHLY temporary. There will always be new players, new competition, new rules, new advancements, new hurdles, etc.
Take for instance, the NFL. The NFL is most likely switching to a 17 game season as opposed to a 16 game season. Think about how many “bests” will be beaten with one more game. Passing records, rushing records, sack records, etc. all have a HUGE probability to be beaten with the addition of one more game.
Being the best, ends.
Looking at FINITE successes eventually leads to a cold-end game.
Instead, as Mr. Sinek proposes, focus on infinite successes. Fulfillment > Victory.
Focus on fulfillment for you, your family, your friends, your community, and for future generations and you will lead a much happier life, and your “victories” will go on in the future, rather than being the used-to-be best.
Lead with inspiration. Focus on doing what you love for the betterment of others (and in return, you will reap rewards yourself-that’s the way this amazing universe works), rather than short-sighted gains of trying to get ahead.
Live a life focused on fulfillment and we WILL ALL benefit.
“I hear people keep talking, they saying I’m crazy ‘Cause I believe in myself and the way that I feel, yeah But I know I’ll figure it out some day, ay And everything will be okay (Ah, ah, ah) Some days I begin to forget I’ve gotta begin to forget The voices I hear in my head And listen, give love and respect To the feelings I feel in my chest They say I know it’s all gonna be okay, ay Yeah I know it’s all gonna be okay”-All Right by Cisco Adler and Gnash
“That’s what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”-Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
TRUTH!
When we strive to improve ourselves, the AMAZING “side effect” is that we will improve those around us as well.
When you shine your light, you brighten everyone else’s day.
Don’t make the (all to common) mistake of thinking that moving toward your goals, your successes, somehow lessens those around us. That is a HUGE falsehood, and unfortunately, stifles so many people from achieving their goals.
Abundance is not limited.
If you are working toward improvement, and you do so with compassion, love, grit and not by stepping on those around you, you will help, not hinder others. On that note: If you achieve any success by pushing others down so that you may gain ground, that success will most definitely be short lived and shallow. (Most people do not fall into this category. I truly believe most people want to improve their lives, and not hurt others in the process).
So, today, work toward achievement, and take comfort in the FACT, your success only HELPS those around you.
“Because at the end of the day, love wins.” (Taken from Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb).
If you’ve had any bad days lately (pretty sure most of us have), the key to not carrying it over to the next day is to realize that one day doesn’t create a month or year or etc.
The key is to resize that after the 24 hours, that day is done.
Over-with.
Kaput.
The sun comes up again in the morning ($100 you are hearing Annie’s voice in your head now, bet your bottom dollar) and you get another chance at another day.
One way to push toward a better mañana is to end the day with love.
Stop and breathe. Be grateful that you had a day (even if it was “a day”), and find something to love about the day. Even if it is something incredibly small.
Then, take some time to tell someone you love them.
Finally, take some time to tell yourself that you are loved.
End the day with love, because the truth is LOVE AWAYS WINS.
Dissemination of Inspiration 