I recently discovered the term “toxic positivity.”
Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach. (Taken from http://www.verywellmind.com)
I choose to be positive, and I write about positivity not because I see the world through rose-colored glasses, but because I decide to realize the world is a beautiful place.
I whole-heartedly believe that when circumstances are awful, we should recognize that, allow ourselves to grieve, mourn, cry, get frustrated, angry and lash out some even.
It is always ok to not be ok.
However, I also believe that it is up to ourselves to change our situation for the future. It is up to us to learn from any challenge and apply it toward a growth mindset.
The only way positivity can be toxic is in the absence of empathy. If someone (even if it is yourself) is going through some horrible situations, I don’t believe we should talk to them (ourselves) about maintaining positivity without acknowledging THE SUCK of the situation. First and foremost, be kind, listen, hug, comfort.
Also realize that part of the comfort is the belief/faith that all things pass and life will move on and in fact can become better, eventually.
“I hear people keep talking, they saying I’m crazy ‘Cause I believe in myself and the way that I feel, yeah But I know I’ll figure it out some day, ay And everything will be okay (Ah, ah, ah) Some days I begin to forget I’ve gotta begin to forget The voices I hear in my head And listen, give love and respect To the feelings I feel in my chest They say I know it’s all gonna be okay, ay Yeah I know it’s all gonna be okay”-All Right by Cisco Adler and Gnash
I believe, too often, we (myself included) have a tendency to listen to others in order to respond.
We really should listen to learn.
It is harder than it sounds.
In order to listen to learn, we must be connected, intentionally hearing what others have to say. We must also silence our thoughts as they naturally attempt to formulate a rebuttal or an application to ourselves.
When we truly “lend an ear” to those we are with, we grow in compassion, connection and improve.
Until I saw this post, I have never heard of the term “destination addiction.”
However, I definitely knew it existed.
So many people “search” for happiness.
We humans tend to think that the next big job, the next big move, the next big date, the next big meal, the next WHATEVAHS will bring us happiness.
We are, essentially, little kids asking our father “When we will get there? (or “Are we there yet?)” Thinking that happiness will arrive “just over the next hill.”
The truth is that we will NEVER arrive at happiness.
We must choose to be happy now, or at least to find slivers of happiness amidst our suffering (if that is our current state).
Nothing brings happiness to us.
We DECIDE to find happiness in the now. Then we can cultivate that seed of happiness and it will continue to grow.
I had the privilege of listening to some amazing speakers tonight on a zoom call (yeah, that’s a thing now, didn’t know if you heard). Dr Cody Elledge spoke to my soul about stress vs focus. And low and behold, sticking to my wife’s computer was the above image.
She is so smart!
At first glance, the words “focused” and stressed are similar.
Even our good pal Webster and his Dictionary state they are synonyms.
However, the difference is that when you are stressed about or over something (or in today’s realities, many things), you tend to be obsessive about the PROBLEM, and not looking or working toward the SOLUTION.
When you are stressed, your body is flooded with negative chemicals. Your heart rate increases, your digestion slows down, your adrenals are taxed, you become fatigued, yet you can’t sleep. Your reproductive system is sluggish, your blood pressure elevates, and your ability to think clearly actually decreases as well.
So you obsess over the problem, make your self LITERALLY sick, and you arrive no closer to the solution.
On the other hand, if instead you are focused, you are actively searching for ways to improve your situation and to escape whatever 💩storm you find yourself in.
When you flip the script from stress to focus, you are finely tuned. Your heart rate may increase, but only at first. When you focus, your brain secretes chemicals that help you achieve a goal, rather than stay put in the endless spiral of stress-worry-stress-worry. When you focus, your cortical thinking improves and you ACHIEVE results.
So stressed and focused are similar , but the end results are MONUMENTALLY different.
So acknowledge the stressors in your life today, but choose what you want to FOCUS on, work toward the solutions, and get busy living your best life!
You will always presented with obstacles, or as my brother likes to call them “hurdles” in life.
They key is to just keep jumping. (Or in some cases, if that hurdle is meant for a giant, find another way around, under or through)
I truly hope you are not in the middle a huge tumultuous storm in your life right now, but if you are, I also hope you realize you have exactly what it takes to overcome, and to get to the calm on the other side.
You are THE ONLY person capable of living your amazing, exciting and challenging life.
Taken from “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone” by Lori Gottlieb
The other day, I was driving with my son. It had been one of those days where I was lost in thought, thinking of what I needed to get done before Christmas.
He interrupted my thoughts to point out a house that was wonderfully decorated and lit up with Christmas lights.
It was an amazing sight. (Well, maybe not as amazing as our very own Christmas Llama on our front lawn, but still…)
The point is, our world at any given moment is what we choose to observe.
Our world is made up of what we bring with us.
If we are negative because of a crappy morning, the world is going to be dulled, less beautiful.
If we are in a soaring mood, we will notice the beauty all around.
The good news is we can choose what we bring with us.
We can decide to imbibe all the craziness that is social media, relish in nasty comments.
We can decide to fume over some slight that happened to us yesterday.
We can decide to listen to music that only makes us cry more.
We can decide to switch the playlist and listen to joy.
We can read beautiful poetry.
We can fuel our souls with good food, good company and positivity.
We can decide how beautiful our world will be today by bringing whatever amount of beauty we want with us on today’s journey.
“Because at the end of the day, love wins.” (Taken from Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb).
If you’ve had any bad days lately (pretty sure most of us have), the key to not carrying it over to the next day is to realize that one day doesn’t create a month or year or etc.
The key is to resize that after the 24 hours, that day is done.
Over-with.
Kaput.
The sun comes up again in the morning ($100 you are hearing Annie’s voice in your head now, bet your bottom dollar) and you get another chance at another day.
One way to push toward a better mañana is to end the day with love.
Stop and breathe. Be grateful that you had a day (even if it was “a day”), and find something to love about the day. Even if it is something incredibly small.
Then, take some time to tell someone you love them.
Finally, take some time to tell yourself that you are loved.
End the day with love, because the truth is LOVE AWAYS WINS.
Dissemination of Inspiration 