Toxic positivity

I recently discovered the term “toxic positivity.”

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach. (Taken from http://www.verywellmind.com)

I choose to be positive, and I write about positivity not because I see the world through rose-colored glasses, but because I decide to realize the world is a beautiful place.

I whole-heartedly believe that when circumstances are awful, we should recognize that, allow ourselves to grieve, mourn, cry, get frustrated, angry and lash out some even.

It is always ok to not be ok.

However, I also believe that it is up to ourselves to change our situation for the future. It is up to us to learn from any challenge and apply it toward a growth mindset.

The only way positivity can be toxic is in the absence of empathy. If someone (even if it is yourself) is going through some horrible situations, I don’t believe we should talk to them (ourselves) about maintaining positivity without acknowledging THE SUCK of the situation. First and foremost, be kind, listen, hug, comfort.

Also realize that part of the comfort is the belief/faith that all things pass and life will move on and in fact can become better, eventually.

Have a blessed Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

You matter more than you know

I read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” by Mitch Albom last weekend. It was a great, quick, and impactful read.

The premise is that a man (who doesn’t think too highly of himself) dies and when he gets to heaven, he meets 5 people.

Some he expected to meet there.

Some he most certainly did not.

Each person’s life intertwined with the main character’s at some point in a way that was much more profound than he thought.

In the end, Eddie (the main character), looks back and realizes his life impacted so many more people than he could fathom.

We are all connected, in some way. And what we do (our actions, our jobs, our attitudes, who we are) affects A LOT of other people.

The great news is that when you DECIDE to lean more toward the positive, you infect others with that positivity.

When you try to look at solutions rather than focus on the problems, others will do the same.

When you smile at a stranger, more than likely they smile back (and then they pass it on).

When you are INTENTIONAL about living your best self, you cannot help but make the world a bit better as well.

Which reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of writing by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

So go have a SUCCESSFUL Day!

Happy Tuesday!

-Dr. Lindeman

Fulfillment > Achievement

Thank you for this reminder, Simon Sinek.

The true joy in life comes not from the accolades, finish lines or etc.

True joy is found on the journey toward our goals.

We may not realize it at the time, because putting in the work to get to where we want to go, is hard.

However, without the “struggle”, our achievements would be far less meaningful.

The award you win for completing a 10k would be a glorified paperweight if it was easy to achieve.

Even an Olympic medal would be just another shiny object if winning it was easy.

So, no matter how hard the struggle is now, realize that in the end, this time, this toil and this work you are putting in will truly lead to a more fulfilling life.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

You life is what you carry

Taken from “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone” by Lori Gottlieb

The other day, I was driving with my son. It had been one of those days where I was lost in thought, thinking of what I needed to get done before Christmas.

He interrupted my thoughts to point out a house that was wonderfully decorated and lit up with Christmas lights.

It was an amazing sight. (Well, maybe not as amazing as our very own Christmas Llama on our front lawn, but still…)

The point is, our world at any given moment is what we choose to observe.

Our world is made up of what we bring with us.

If we are negative because of a crappy morning, the world is going to be dulled, less beautiful.

If we are in a soaring mood, we will notice the beauty all around.

The good news is we can choose what we bring with us.

We can decide to imbibe all the craziness that is social media, relish in nasty comments.

We can decide to fume over some slight that happened to us yesterday.

We can decide to listen to music that only makes us cry more.

We can decide to switch the playlist and listen to joy.

We can read beautiful poetry.

We can fuel our souls with good food, good company and positivity.

We can decide how beautiful our world will be today by bringing whatever amount of beauty we want with us on today’s journey.

Have a BEAUTIFUL Monday!

-Dr Lindeman

Fulfillment

“Fulfillment is not born of the dream. Fulfillment is born of the journey.”-Simon Sinek

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating.

The journey is more important and more fulfilling than the destination.

Our goals surely matter.

But the processes of achieving them: the “grind”, carries more weight.

If we don’t love the journey (even the hard parts), we will not be fulfilled at the finish line.

The struggle is where progress is born and that progress leads to success.

Do what you love and love doing it with each step.

Don’t make the (all-too-common) mistake of thinking you’ll be happy when you “get there.”

Be happy now.

Enjoy the process.

The goal is but a stepping stone on the journey.

Find your fulfillment in what you do today!

Happy Thursday!

-Dr Lindeman

Expect more, hope better

This is from “Just Mercy”, a great book.

I love this paragraph.

Times are crazy and everyone is going through some “schtuff” right now.

But we need to recover.

We need to grow.

In order for that to happen, we need to hold each other to a higher standard and then help each other achieve those standards.

Share compassion, love and understanding.

And at the same time, attempt to better yourself so that your levels of all the above are that much higher.

-Happy Thursday!

-Dr Lindeman

Hope for the future

I’m gonna drop 2 quotes on you this morning:

“The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there.”-L.P. Hartley

“But plant your hope with good seeds, don’t cover yourself with thistle and weeds,”-Mumford and Sons, (Thistle and weeds song title)

In the book: Grit by Angela Duckworth, she discusses one of the main differences between people who have a growth mindset vs people with a fixed mindset is that those with a fixed mindset (feeling that achievements have a lower ceiling than others) carry around a feeling of hopelessness for change.

Most of the time this hopelessness comes from a negative past.

As L.P. Hartley eloquently put it, when we travel to the future, we leave the past behind. We cannot let the anchors of our past weigh us down from taking flight toward our future.

By all means, consider your current situation.

But also realize, that with hope, the future will look vastly brighter.

Dream big, plant seeds and sprout forth to a more meaningful and positive future.

Happy Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

Check out the song HERE

Count the seeds? Or the apples?

Too often, we are concerned with the results.

We measure our days, quarters, years in numbers.

We count the apples, so to speak.

Sometimes we forget that there would be no harvest without tending to the seeds, the efforts, the process, the journey.

The numbers are important. They are a way to see where we are at that moment in time. But they don’t tell the whole story.

Unless, we are hoping the story ends there (boring and finite).

No we forget that our efforts, our imaginations, our work ethic, our vision for the future and the connections we have and create with others will determine the bounty of future harvests.

It is impossible to precisely tell what the yield we be from our efforts.

But the key is to keep tending to the seeds, and to enjoy the journey.

Count the fruit, sure, but then get busy tending to the process :-).

Have a bountiful seed-planting Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

Peace

This past weekend , my family and I had a wonderful trip to Folly Beach, South Carolina.

We breathed the ocean air in deep and enjoyed connection with each other.

In the meantime, mayhem was erupting (with cause).

I know I am privileged. I know my family is too. I do work hard, and we try to teach our children about viewing the world through others’ lenses as well. And I cannot imagine the amount of pain, and fear that a large portion of our population are feeling (and have been feeling for decades).

I am also afraid of the extremism that exists today. White, black, left, right, anti-(fill in the blank), pro-(fill in the blank), stay home bc of covid, re-open, etc. The divisions are real and very polarizing.

I believe the answers lie in empathy. We can have our own viewpoints but we should try to understand others as well. We can “stand our ground” but we also must try to see the other territory. If we can promote love, compassion and try for some understanding, the world will be more peaceful.

So try to do that a bit today. Have some conversations with others who don’t feel the way you do. Try to see their side. I can almost guarantee, they will have some valid points, just as much as I can guarantee you will as well.

Spread some love today. Promote peace.

Happy Tuesday

-Dr Lindeman

Multiple choices

In any given situation, we always have choices.

In situations of adversity or success, we will always have options, and depending on how we choose, the results can easily flip the situation on its head (adversity—>success, success—>adversity).

Situations never define us, it’s how we react to them that creates who we are, and sets the stage for our future.

We can achieve a victory and then stop practicing. We can obtain the amazing job, and therefore become complacent in learning. We can lose 20 lbs and then decide we can stop exercising.

All of these successful situations are wonderful, but the decisions after the achievement can create a more negative future.

Likewise, we can lose the race, and decide to train harder. We can fail an exam and decide to study more. We can find ourselves in quarantine, and decide to create paths to a better future with our time.

Even when things ‘royally suck’, it’s truly how we react to them that matters most.

We are NEVER victims of our circumstance. We are only truly victims of how we react to them.

You always have options…Choose wisely my friends!

Happy Wednesday!

-Dr Lindeman