Thank you to my amazing Office Manager, Jessica for sharing this one with us in our morning meeting.
Too often we (myself included) focus on our “success.”
We want to achieve, to hit big goals, to overcome setbacks.
That is all perfectly fine, but what matters most is what we leave behind.
“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.β βΒ Shannon Alder
When we leave this Earth (and believe me, none of us are getting out of here alive :), we will not be remembered for our accolades but instead for the impact we leave on others.
A bonus to all of this, is that when you seek to help others feel good, to be kind, to be caring, to be friendly, to lend a helping hand, you in turn feel better as well (exponentially in fact).
So strive to reach your goals, most definitely.
But along the way, focus more on the people who’s lives you get to touch, that impact may be much more profound than you think!
It’s a great thing to learn, to push, too improve.
It’s also a great thing to sit back, realize the world we live in is pretty amazing, these bodies we inhabit are awesome, and LIFE. IS. GOOD. π
Take some time today to simply notice the above fact.
Have an awesome Tuesday!
-Dr. Lindeman
P.S. Below is an excerpt from my book “Purposely Positive” on relaxing a bit and enjoying life!
“If you go out into the world destined to improve it for everyone, that is a truly noble andΒ amazing purpose. But what happens when you just want to enjoy Saturday for SaturdayβsΒ sake? Your purpose needs to be so strong that you are O.K. with letting up some slack everyΒ now and then. Sunsets are amazing. Can you add to them? Sure, you may be able to enjoyΒ the moment more fully by sharing it with someone you love. The beauty may inspireΒ thoughts that uplift you even more, but you cannot make Godβs gift of a sunset moreΒ beautiful than it already is. You donβt have that power, and quite honestly, you probablyΒ wouldnβt want it. Breathe it in and savor. Sometimes the simple act of a breath is magic inΒ itself. You have to let go sometimes, and just let things BE. (On a side note, I highlyΒ recommend a few apps for this. Check out the Breathe App through the iTunes store. ItΒ gives you daily reminders and practice to just focus on breathing for one minute at a time.Β Also, Insight Timer is a great meditation app for beginners and gurus alike. Check them out,Β you wonβt be disappointed).
As you continue on your journey of self-discovery, reaching toward your inspiration andΒ allowing it to turn the tide from negative to positive, realize that sometimes you just needΒ to sit back, breathe, and notice. Pausing in your busy life for moments at a time can helpΒ calm your monkeys, improve focus, and allow (ironically) for more time to get things done.Β Relaxing a bit (on purpose) will lower your stress levels, improve circulation, and benefitΒ yourΒ overall physical and mental health. Sounds like a pretty good cost-to-benefit ratio to me. Taking some time to relax and to beΒ calm is a vital cog in your transformation.”
He is an excellent speaker and author and an all around wonderful human being.
I received this in his daily email service today:
βA star wants to see themselves rise to the top. A leader wants to see those around them become stars.β-Simon Sinek
What a simple but powerful message.
If we want to succeed for our benefit we may become stars.
And we may burn bright, for a time, only to burn out just as fast.
But if our motivation is to help lift others up, to inspire, to create positive change within others (which will also do the same for us, itβs kind of a law), then the light we help create will burn sooooo much brighter and for soooo much longer.
In fact, I wrote a whole chapter about this in my book (I will share it below).
So many times we (myself included) use perfectionism as an excuse to not step forward, to not attempt, to not complete.
It is rather convenient that we want things to be “perfect” so we don’t finish, or even start.
We need to stop lying to ourselves (and indeed the world)…
Start, step, finish whatever you are holding off on (until its perfect), because I hate to break it to you, but “PERFECT” is impossible.
Have an awesome Thursday!
-Dr. Lindeman
P.S. Here is the chapter from my book:
Perfekshun
βI am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is Godβs business.β-Michael J Fox
The desire for the perfect opportunity has most assuredly destroyed more amazing discoveries than any plague in history. Just think about all the amazing ideas that people have, the songs or art they want to create, but they wait until the ideal opportunity to begin or to release their creativity. That βperfectβ opportunity may never come along and so all these amazing ideas and creations never even make it off the starting blocks.
Ever heard the story of the invention of the Post-it note? In 1968 Spencer Silver, and employee at the 3M company, was trying to create a super strong adhesives to aid in building planes. Instead, he accidentally created a very weak adhesive. Rather than give up on the βfailedβ product, Silver kept sharing it with other employees. It wasnβt until 1973 when the product found a use. Art Fry, a chemical engineer and member of a church choir in St. Paul, Minnesota approached Silver about his adhesive. He needed something to keep his song page markers stick in his hymn book. They realized they could put the glue on a piece of paper and stick it to anything-and the Post-It Note was created. Even more amazing, the company didnβt think it would be very popular so they shelved it until 1977. The product was a flop at first, but they reintroduced it with more gusto and has since become one of the top five best selling office supply products ever made. All because Mr. Silverβs imperfect accident (11).
In my life, I have struggled with perfectionism. It took me quite a while (years in fact) to sit down and write this book. Thoughts in my head swirled around about having to be the perfect time, or I had to wait until I have some monumentally impactful success that the world as a whole knew about. I needed the perfect theme, the perfect audience, the perfect voice. I held myself back under the guise of perfection. The funny thing was, I have been writing my entire life. I had a 400 some odd (typed) page journal (it wasnβt a diary thank you very much) in high school. I took creative writing classes whenever I could. My first major in college was Journalism (until I found I couldnβt be as creative in my writing in those classes as I truly wanted to be). Iβve always had some sort of notebook to jot things down in. I just didnβt share my writing with too many people, unless the βperfectβ phrase or sentence popped into my head. I was afraid. Perfectionism was my mask.
Obviously, Iβve gotten over that somewhat, or you wouldnβt be reading this now. The more I learned about self-improvement and success, the more I realized that no one could ever be perfect. This book isnβt perfect by any stretch. But, I realized that if I truly want to share myself with the world, if I want to try to help others, one of the best ways is to be vulnerable and not hide my imperfections. I realized that the mask of perfectionism I was hiding behind was actually just smothering. The lofty mantle of perfectionism that I held onto needed to crumble.
Perfectionism has been looked at as a positive trait over the past few generations. Iβm sure in some ways, you admire the people that you give the label βPerfectionistβ to, they seem like lofty individuals. They are motivated, passionate, courageous and meticulous. Perfectionists are meticulous, they are successful and they are idols, or so you think. The problem is βperfectionismβ is not the same as βstrong work-ethic.β There is a HUGE difference between the two.
A strong work ethic is truly admirable. It is marvelous to strive for excellence or mastery and that cannot be accomplished without a strong work ethic. A strong work ethic enables people to get things done, to improve their craft and to help others in the process. Perfection on the other hand screams of selfishness. Perfection is never good enough. Nothing in the world is truly perfect. And honestly, the entire world is based upon our perception of it. Something that you deem as βperfectβ is probably garbage to someone else. (If you need proof, remember someone thought Gangnam Style was the perfect song when it was released).
Perfectionism is an absolute lie. Many times you may wait until you think things are βperfectβ before you take a chance. You hide behind the veil of perfection and ostensibly sit in a corner and suck your thumbs because you are too afraid to take that first step. You may chastise yourself for not being perfect, which then allows you to stay down, to bury your light and hide your gifts and ultimately stay exactly where you are. Perfectionism is actually rooted in shame and fear. You hold onto an idea or creation until it is βperfectβ- when in actuality the motive for doing so is you are afraid others might see its flaws, and therefore will see your flaws. After-all it’s so much easier to hide behind trying to be perfect than to actually just TRY. To truly βstrive for perfectionβ just opens the door to lying down, taking a long nap and just giving up all together. If you truly know, as I am sure you do, that perfect is impossible, how hard is it to nix βgiving it our allβ if you know it wonβt be perfect? Many times you opt to never start in the first place?
I completely believe that having HUGE goals is necessary in order to allow our inspiration to flourish, to succeed and to make an impact on the world. Strive for excellence and keep stretching how excellent you can be. However, attempting perfection is nothing but an artificial pursuit. In all your endeavors do the best you possibly can, and you will notice that βbestβ grows and grows and grows. Excellence, success, positivity, all of these things can expand and improve. The true meaning of perfection calls to mind a cold, immovable, solidβ¦end. And truly, if you are following your passions, you donβt want them to end. You donβt want a truly finished product. You want creativity and happiness and purpose to allow continual refinement. One of the most amazing things about being human is the ability to re-imagine, amend, build on and enhance things constantly. You will never be βout of stockβ in your ability to build amazing things, share new thoughts or create beautiful art.
But what if someone actually created THE PERFECT cup of coffee, or THE PERFECT book, THE PERFECT anything? You canβt improve upon perfect. If you ever connected to yourself so wholeheartedly that next Tuesday, you found your purpose, and you found a way to deliver it perfectlyβ¦ what would you do the following Tuesday? (I say βthe following Tuesdayβ because Iβm assuming you have some amazing parties for the next 6 days following your discovery). The next logical step would be to give up. Once perfection is truly attained, would it not simply become boring? And that is not what you are here to do. So in reality, when you say you are perfectionists, you really are giving up at the beginning, or you are destined to give up once the project is finished. Neither sound very admirable in that light.
βStriving for perfectionβ is an exercise in futility. Your purpose is not futile. Don’t hold yourself back by trying to be perfect. Donβt be so delusional to think that whatever you create will be perfect. Hopefully you are in-tune with your passion, and you combine that with inspiration and truly produce excellence, in fact I have no doubt that is what you will do, but the beauty of excellence is you can continue to excel. So go for growth, go for beauty, go for inspiration and as Michael J Fox said, keep perfection in the hands of God.
The primary determining factor of your future, however, is how YOU RESPOND to what happens.
Your response (choice) in any situation (and there are ALWAYS multiple choices) will determine the brightness of your future for you, your loved ones and the world at large.
I just started reading: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb (check it out here ) and I like it so far!
This line is great and bears repeating: βItβs not as if weβre going to peer in those darker corners, flip on the light, and find a bunch of cockroaches. Fireflies love the dark too. Thereβs beauty in those places. But we have to look in there to see it.β
So true!
I truly wish the stigma of mental health could be washed away.
Especially now, with all the craziness of the pandemic, disconnection, solitude, political and social turmoil…we need others to help keep our lives sane.
We need to talk to somebody.
I have gone to counselors and therapists numerous times.
Itβs not because I am βcrazy.β
Itβs because I finally realized that with my drive to improve my life, my familyβs life and to improve the world, sometimes I need different people riding shotgun, helping me navigate through my past, present and future.
Sometimes we need professionals to help guide us through the muck and mire.
And I, for one, am so thankful they are there and I have access to these people.
So please, if you are feeling stressed, depressed, low…know there are truly wonderful people out there that will help you see the fireflies in the darkness.
Donβt ever suffer alone.
The world needs you and holding it al in yourself isnβt helping anyone.
And again, sometimes itβs great to talk to someone just about your big dreams and aspirations and they can help you balance them all so ambition doesnβt drive you wild.