Peace

This past weekend , my family and I had a wonderful trip to Folly Beach, South Carolina.

We breathed the ocean air in deep and enjoyed connection with each other.

In the meantime, mayhem was erupting (with cause).

I know I am privileged. I know my family is too. I do work hard, and we try to teach our children about viewing the world through others’ lenses as well. And I cannot imagine the amount of pain, and fear that a large portion of our population are feeling (and have been feeling for decades).

I am also afraid of the extremism that exists today. White, black, left, right, anti-(fill in the blank), pro-(fill in the blank), stay home bc of covid, re-open, etc. The divisions are real and very polarizing.

I believe the answers lie in empathy. We can have our own viewpoints but we should try to understand others as well. We can “stand our ground” but we also must try to see the other territory. If we can promote love, compassion and try for some understanding, the world will be more peaceful.

So try to do that a bit today. Have some conversations with others who don’t feel the way you do. Try to see their side. I can almost guarantee, they will have some valid points, just as much as I can guarantee you will as well.

Spread some love today. Promote peace.

Happy Tuesday

-Dr Lindeman

Chasing your shadow

Chasing success is a lot like chasing your own shadow.

When you make big goals for yourself, you can see them in front of you, so you work/walk toward that goal. And over tune, the shadow gets smaller as you get closer and closer to your goal. When you reach it, that feels amazing!

You can walk around a bit taller with the shadow going out behind you now.

But we cannot keep that shadow behind us forever. We need to dream bigger and create new goals, new shadows to walk toward.

Rinse. Repeat.

Our 3 year old standard poodle is amazing at this. In fact we have dubbed her “The Shadow Hunter” because she runs after shadows with abandon. She doesn’t chase birds or squirrels, but dives after their shadows. She never “catches” her goal, but the act of trying gets her tail a waggin’!

The key to this is knowing the journey is what is the most important. If we only look at the big goals, the shadows we are chasing we will miss the beauty of the voyage.

Have big dreams.

Chase them.

But look up and love the journey!

Happy Tuesday!

-Dr Lindeman

Hedonic adaptation

hedonic-treadmill

Today, in my coursework video (The Science of Well-Being through Coursera in concert with Yale), the professor went over the term: hedonic adaptation.

The theory of hedonic adaptation or the hedonic treadmill is that as humans, we search for things/experiences that we feel will make us happy, but once we have them, their effect on our happiness dwindles with time.

You can’t wait to buy that new car, and it makes you so happy to drive around in it…for the first few months, then it becomes just a car.

You cannot wait to move into your new home, but after a few years, it is just your home.

The above may be slight exaggerations, but you get the gist.

Our brains are “wired” to get used to stuff. So even AMAZING things, become less amazing with time.

So how do we combat this natural ability to lessen our happiness?

For one: GRATITUDE.

Think back to things you were so happy to be able to purchase/experience in the past, and re-kindle that gratitude today.

Another way: focus on experiences, not things.

We all need things and it is perfectly ok to buy a new vehicle every once in a while, or shiny shoes or etc.

But research shows our happiness scores are higher and last longer when we experience things (vacations, meals, time with friends, etc), even when we believe they will not. Research also shows that, even though across the board we are happier, and the effects are longer lasting, with experiences, we tend to believe that we will be much happier with the thing that lasts longer rather than the fleeting experience.

So we need to trick our minds a bit and incorporate more experiences into our quest for happiness.

Vacations, bbqs, friendly games of corn-hole, sing and dance with your spouse/partner/friend/family at your house, sit outside with your family making smores around the fire-pit, go camping, etc.

These experiences are truly enjoyable, and the memories are fond and long lasting (in part because they END. The vehicle you buy will last for years, and you get accustomed to it’s presence). Experiences also allow us to feel we are benefitting others (oxytocin is a much longer lasting key to happiness feeling than dopamine. Oxytocin is released when we are connected with others, dopamine is more of a solitary hormone). Others benefit by joining us in the experience, and we can tell others about our experiences more than we can about our “things.” People also are much happier to hear about experiences rather than the new coat you bought 🙂

So get out there today (or if the pandemic limits that, start PLANNING your next experience), create a fuller, longer-lasting happiness by virtue of your experiences!

-Happy Tuesday!

Dr. Lindeman

Your view/your future

This is an excerpt from the book: “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert.

Good book so far.

The point I want to make form the Shakespeare quote is that we need to create our own happiness.

We can “borrow” goals and visions from others, but ultimately, we need to steer our own ship.

Just because you see some successes make others happy, they may not make you feel the same.

Find what lights you up, and work toward doing more of that :-).

-Happy Monday!

Dr Lindeman